Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Friendship Wishes and Inglewood Dreams in 'Insecure'

I’ve spent the better part of a week watching The Ultimatum. Watching couples put their relationship under a microscope for people like me to sit at home and judge, without any other info other than what they and production want to give me.

I don’t love relationship shows, but I am curious enough that I’ll take a peek and then BOOM, smash cut to me waiting for YouTube TV to give me early access to the latest episode of Love During Lockup. Yes bitch—DURING…it’s a fucking SPINOFF and it’s amazing.

Love is so necessary to have in life. The love of self, of friends, and if you’re lucky the romantic love of a partner—or partners if that’s your ministry. For such a long time I wanted it, but I thought it wasn’t meant for me. There is this gospel song by Vickie Winans called Long As I Got King Jesus:

where she says:

Well, I've been lied on, cheated,
talked about, mistreated,
I've been used, scorned,
talked about sore as bone.

I've been up, down, almost to the ground
But long as I got king Jesus, long as got king Jesus,
long long long as I got
I don't need nobody else.

And if you line up my relationship history it matches the lyrics—Yikertons. So I declared it. I, Shelli, lover of romcoms, sappy weddings, sweet stories about friends and their lovers, reader of missed connections, and admirer of love notes was not meant to be in that “can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, World Series kind of love.”

Just me, myself, and the good ole’ baby Jesus.