For A Good Time, Call...
I think I still owe my parents about $163
This may get cut off in your email so the demand this week is for you to obviously open in your browser and then tell me if you also tried to force your parents to send you to catholic school.
When I was in about 7th grade I racked up a phone bill so high that I didn’t get an allowance for about 3 months. All because I kept calling all the 1800 phone numbers that I was seeing on late-night television. Most of them were party lines, where I would literally just sit in bed eating pizza rolls and listening to people have conversations (early podcasting???) BUT others were the sex-based ones.
You may or may not know the ones, depending on how old you are, but the commercials where mostly white women with silk robes and overly teased hair would ask questions in sultry voices like, “Are You ALL ALONE?” “Do You Need Someone Naughty To Talk To?”. I would be sitting on my inflatable furniture staring at the television and answering “Yeah, I mean, I am by myself and I do like telling other people dirty words….”.
I’m sure these people didn’t think that a 12-year-old girl would be part of their target audience. But there I was, all horned up after watching scrambled porn or Taxi Cab Confessions, dialing away and thinking I would actually have a naughty conversation with Monica, Claire, or Svetlana. I’d call, they would realize after 5 minutes of me giggling that I was clearly underage, but 5 minutes over a month of phone calls added up on the bill.
A comfort film of mine (And one that is WILDLY SLEPT ON) is the 2012 near-perfect comedy For a Good Time, Call… It has all my favorite things—naughty humour from girls, witty writing, ellipses in the title, Justin Long, a perfect apartment, and even pink landline phones.
It stars Ari Graynor as Katie (WHO IS ALWAYS FUCKING PHENOMENAL IN EVERYTHING SHE IS IN) and Lauren Miller as Lauren (WHO CO-WROTE THE FILM) as 2 babes who end up being roommates, ‘cos one is broke and on the verge of losing the Gramercy Park apartment that was handed down to her from granny, and the other has no place to stay after her boyfriend blindsides her and breaks up with her ‘cos he said their life is boring and goes to Italy.
The surprise is they already know each other! They met in college 10 years ago (thru their still mutual friend played by Justin Long) but hated each other. They have no other option though but to move in together. It goes horrible at first, especially when Lauren finds out that one of Katies’ many jobs is a phone sex operator. Lauren has a mind for business tho and offers to help Katie make actual money with the phone sex line and the movie goes up, up, up from there!
I’d love to not spoil this movie for you but the girlies win, the ex-bf loses, and there is a scene that includes a bit about Spanx that is somehow hilarious and not corny. Every time I watch it I think of the times I called those numbers, another way that I was trying to explore sex and sexuality. I used to cut out sextips from cosmo and keep them in an Adidas shoebox ‘cos I knew I should be liking boys more and should learn what to do. Maybe I called those numbers ‘cos the girls made on the TV me tingly and I liked it. Maybe I called ‘cos I didn’t really have friends and was lonely. I don’t know.
I probably still owe my parents a few bucks from it— but I also owe Columbia House ‘cos I cashed in on the 25 CD’s for a penny craze a year later.
What I do know is that neither one of them are getting their money.
As always you can find this info on my Letterboxd buuuuutttt still.
What I Watched
SNL with Keke Palmer which was—Very good and VERY GAY? Here is proof:
Keke and SZA are both queer/have at least dabbled in dykin’
Punkie talking about being a lezzie who loves thicker women in her rap about the Big Boi Cuffin’ Season
Punkie talkin’ about being a dyke during the Drake sketch
Catholic schoolgirl sketch
Sarah talking about the gay dads on Peppa Pig
Natasha Lyonne randomly showed up
Molly talking about being in love during the Catholic schoolgirl sketch
Molly & Sarah being cute during the credits
I can’t get her saying “Say that little white girl, is Black.” out of my head in this sketch LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Also on a side note…why am I a bit attracted to this Michael Longfellow caucasian individual? Is it the voice? Is it the young Chevy Chase vibes? WOTTICE GOIN’ ON?!?!
You’re The Worst
The L Word Gen Q — I am doing a IG Live with Micah and Max on Monday! I very much love what I do :)
Wednesday — Yes I do love it, and yes I am still part of the problem. This dancing scene makes the entire series worth watching.
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever — Very much worth the wait and made me feel so good, no one talked about how like, Black Girl Power this movie has. I wanna see it in again at least twice in theatres? It’s also just fucking stunning.
What I Re-Watched
Eurovision — I love this movie so fucking much, I will watch it a million times in a week if I could.
“At least he sees me. I see you every day. NO. YOU. DONT.”
“Let’s all just go, SEXNUTS!”
“Oh, that sweater is very angry”
“I’m equally surprised because, I’m very sexy”
“You know what the elves say”
Welcome to Flatch, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, New Girl
What I Listened To
Every few months I listen to this song on repeat for some reason. I thought it was a dyke classic but guess what SHE IS NOT A LESBIAN. I simply do not buy it.
The Divine Feminine by Mac Miller — This is one of my favorite albums and I do not have it on vinyl but that is because the pink original one is nearly $100. However, I soon may just purchase it because it is so beautiful
Sheryl Lee Ralph has A CHRISTMAS ALBUM CALLED SLEIGH. I learned about this fromand crew on the Vibe Check podcast and am so thankful.
Podcasts: The Endless Honeymoon, Bad Queers, Vibe Check, The Read, For Colored Nerds
Side Note: JTT came up on The Read and I refuse to be embarrassed about my crushes on the white boys of the 90s, including but not limited to:
Johnathan Brandis (R.I.P)
What I Read
This piece by Isabel Kaplan over on The Guardian came out at the top of the week and I haven’t stopped thinking about it. Making yourself small for the sake of others is so hurtful. It’s just a wonderful piece:
“He said he considered it his responsibility to take me down a peg. I considered parceling out the good news I shared. I tried to need less.”
“When I found myself sad and lonely in the Upper West Side apartment of my now-ex-boyfriend’s dreams, I turned to Nora Ephron.”
“In any relationship, there is an expectation of privacy. There is also an expectation of respect. Violate the latter and you relinquish your right to the former.”
A convo between friends Olivia Craighead and Ayo Edebiri on Gawker that made me smile so big!
A scene I can’t stop thinking about
Some pictures I took
A Tweet I Loved
LOL PLZ I AM SO GLAD TO NOT HAVE NIECES AND NEPHEWS IN THE EASY BAKE AGE RANGE ANYMORE ‘COS LIKE, HERE IS $20—GO SEE A STAR WAR.
My Uber Driver thought I was a sex worker after getting into his car with heeled boots and a jacket in my hand so I watched the “Walk of Shame” episode of New Girl when I got home.
This piece was mentioned on a podcast (Vibe Check) and its on JSTOR which made me smile.
How you react to shows tells me a bit about you.
At this very moment I’m watching morning light break over Chicago (6:42 AM)