Robby Hoffman Are You Reading This?
+ The Greta Lee Fan Club, imma miss Mavis Beaumont, and Jo-Ellen is a bully
Robby Hoffman is such a truly interesting person, and I feel like having a conversation with them IRL would be so chill and at times make me jump out of my seat. Real Housewives of Rhode Island has produced so many bullies in one season and also SO MUCH GASLIGHTING! Lin-Manuel Miranda is taking over The Warriors, and Survival of the Thickest made me cry a lot of tears. Also…a thrift store in Queens that I’m desperately trying to visit.
The Weekly Bits is long on purpose (might get clipped in your inbox, so open in a browser) and there are lots in ‘em! So read it while you’re cooling down from a fight, discovering a new route to work, or just having a slow morning Dr. Pepper.
There WILL be typos (not a threat, just a fact)
I adore Robby Hoffman, like many comedians, they’ve always felt a little guarded. They were part of The Interview series from The NYT, where they got intimate and incredible with Lulu Garcia-Navarro, and I just loved it. They shared a lot, basically expanding on things they had already touched on in sets or other interviews, but had never gone into detail about and made me love ‘em even more.
Okay, so, Real Housewives of Rhode Island season 1 is a wrap! It’s been like decades since I watched a Real Housewives show from jump and in real time. THEY GOT A HIT WITH THIS ONE! I desperately wanna go to Pizza Mamma (I know, I know), but my major takeaway is that Jo-Ellen is an actual bully and hella lame. Not letting up on Rulla like that in Part 2 of the reunion was NASTY NASTY NASTY work.
I liked her a lot at first, and I think it’s partly because she looks like my first crush, Danielle Fishel, but, like—that’s out the window, babes. Also…is it just me, or was Andy DEEPLY annoyed at the reunion?
Taylor Swift got married, and while I don’t really care, I do find Hunter Harris saying this in her predictions post last week, HILARIOUS
saying “Kelce’s closet is entirely HBCU chic — will the inside pocket of his suit be embroidered with “Still I Rise?”
I DEW hope the person who leaked the photos doesn’t get caught and gets a really big payday! It made me think of weddings in movies that I do like! Araminta’s OTT wedding in Crazy Rich Asians, Juliet and Peter’s super romantic and very them wedding in Love, Actually, Lisa and Roland’s wedding in The Wood, and this is TV, but David and Patrick’s wedding in Schitt’s Creek was soooooooo sweet and sooooo them.
Back to RHORI for a minute, while Liz is making posts that look like that Jesus footsteps poster about not coming back, Alicia is making her social media rounds and was on an episode of Therapuss!
I really don’t like the person who hosts the show, so I don’t wanna watch, but I’m sure the clips will make their way to me.
Essencefest is making folks mad again this year! I don’t have more to say on that, just that like…I feel like it makes people mad every year?
Newness x Thots
Married At First Sight is back and it’s in Seattle (are you old enough to remember the Irene Slap or no?) and I has a love/hate relationship with this show. Certain types of reality tv make me cringe ‘cos it gets too real and is no longer playful, this one teeters that line.
Two seasons ago, they were in Chicago! One of the couples, Camille and Thomas, is still married, and another couple that was created ‘cos of A CHEATING SCANDAL, are engaged (::throwing kids kitchen toy hard tomatoes but also they found love so not with a lot of power::) AND THEY WERE ALL HANGING OUT LIKE LAST WEEK AND EYE DONUT LIKE THAT.
What Eye Watched
EVERYBODY SHUT UP! SHUT UP LUTZ! My mom, Greta Lee, was on Good Hang!!
Liz Meriweather (creator of New Girl) is the EP on a new show about a FEMALE SERIAL KILLER! I’m excited, I want it now, and I hate saying “Female” because it makes me feel like I’m on an early episode of Love and Hip-Hop but in a bad way.
ELLE is out! It’s cute, it’s funny, I’m not sure how much sense it makes with the film but, it’s fine. It also got a season 2 already so…yay!
Forbidden Fruits was rotten. It was bad. It was boring. The saving grace? Victoria Pedretti a.ka. Love Quinn—she always saves the day
Survival of the Thickest certainly has a full review to come, but omgggggg watching this story, I’ve always felt like so much of my life was being told on screen. Tasha Smith was not in the final season (but it was just a scheduling thing, no one start any rumors), and I’m not ready to rewatch the whole series, but if you are in a hella regulated space right now YOU SHOULD!
Help, Lin-Manuel has gotten his hands on The Warriors. I’m excited and scared.
A week in film…
Watching a relationship on film can be so satisfying because you get the beginning, middle, and end of it all. For about 110 minutes, you get to choose if you’re rooting for or against them, which person you can’t stand, and which person you’re hella backing up. You get to sit in the world of their life and love while eating nachos—or if you’re at Alamo…what passes for nachos.
Maybe that’s why folks love movie relationships so much and get invested in them. They let you believe there’s always a clean ending around the corner, that every fight means a breakup or every grand gesture means forever and ever and a day. but real life doesn’t always give that kinda certainty.
Sometimes relationships end because people don’t love each other anymore, sometimes they end because someone dies (or like, pretends to). Both suck.
I watched Gone Girl and Good Grief this week (GG x GG? OMG that wasn’t on purpose, but the film angels had a plan I guess). In one film, we see a relationship just fall apart. The love is lost, the conversations stop, the resentment grows, they hated each other, and then...MURDER!
Who needs couples counseling when you can just pretend your husband killed you while you go on the road and eat sloppy cheeseburgers? Sounds fun until you fuck up and end up back at square one lol.
In the other film, we see what seems to be a great relationship but then SURPRISE BABES—DEATH!! SADNESS!! SECRETS FROM THE GRAVE!!
That’s the thing about looking at relationships through the lens of film, everything is heightened while you’re watching it, but it’s okay because it’s not real, it’s not your life, so the anxiety leaves when the movie is over.
but like I’ve always known, life usually isn’t like the movies.
Most of us won’t fake our own death or have the love of your life die and learn shit from a letter. We also may not get a perfect montage explaining where everything went wrong or a final scene that tells us exactly what happens next while they kiss as the credits roll.
Both of these films capture how intense it is to lose love, and I’ve come across other films that show the absolute misery it is to grieve someone who is still alive, but I don’t think I’ve come across a film that captures how intense it is to love. And in that case, life not being like the movies is probably a very good thing because hopefully, you’ll get to experience what it is to love in every way for yourself.
Babes—DID YOU SEE THIS?!
I just found this Instagram @secondhandex and I LOVE IT. It’s so funny! IDK why I couldn’t really fuck with the coffee shop version, but THIS is hilarious! Plus, any jokes about Fire Island make me very happy!
On A Scale of One To Gay….
One day last week I opened Safari on my phone (shut up) only to have the tab from my Google search of “Tasty Blacks” looking back at me. It is because when watching last week’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, the girls played a quick game of “How Long Were You A Lesbian?” while at dinner in Scotland, and K. Michelle said it was a favorite site of hers. Also, Phaedra saying she is the only one who hasn’t dabbled in the pond of pussy is a truth I fully believe.
Bob The Drag Queen has never really sat well with me, idk. And him doing that one moment with Todrick upset my spirit. I had my Todrick phase, but yeah.
The Wrong Girls trailer just dropped and I SHALL be seeing it! Alia Shawkat is present and a stoner so, yup!
Did you know I host a monthly movie night in Chicago at Dorothy where I give away lots of prizes, ask trivia questions, and look stunning—all while watching a queer/queer canon film and IT’S FREE?
This month I’m showing Chicago, and we’re playing Queen Latifah Trivia so….be there and say hi.
Lastly, I feel like as gays, we have been letting a few too many people into our house. Like some stuff has gotten a little too mainstream, and I’m not ok with it. We should have kept some stuff for ourselves—also niggas have been extending too many invites to the cookouts over the years
Cinehunni Selects
This week’s theme: parents who are going through it
I Write, You Read
Where was last week’s quote from? The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt!
Remember, every week I’ll drop a pop culture quote that has stuck with me and if you correctly guess where this is from AND share this to your IG/Threads (@ me!) you’ll be 1 of 3 people who get a present from The Cinehunni Dispatch!
A surprise DVD, a postcard, a film-inspired crafting moment, and a special note from me + more will be inside.
This week’s quote:
What’s the point of love if it’s just gonna disappear? And how is it worse to not love anybody? There has to be meaning to existence; otherwise, the universe is just made of pain, and I don’t like the thought of that. So tell me the answer!
See you later hunni!,
<3 Shelli